Canadians hate sparkly...a horror story

It's not enough that their dollar is worth more than ours, and they're buying up land like crazy in Washington state, but now the Canadians have apparently sent gangs of attack geese to intimidate innocent and unsuspecting American citizens. Lemme explain the horror.

Today's my stepsons 11th birthday, so I'd gone to the party store this morning to pick up a few mylar balloons for this evening. As I leisurely walked out of the store, bam! Mutant, killer Canadian geese! Three of them! Sure, the picture I've included above makes them look innocent, but believe you me, these were geese with an agenda. First they squaked in unison, then they came running towards me with beaks open to show what appeared to be shark-like fangs. Seriously. If I hadn't been worried about them biting my ass, I woulda pulled out my Iphone to take a quick picture. But alas, all I could focus on was quickly shoving the sparkly balloons, that I realized must have induced their collective rage, into the car. The removal of the sparkly objects seemed to make the geese a bit happier, but they still had that look of hatred in their little beady eyes, as if to say "get ooot" (that would be "get out" for us non-Canadians).

As I got back in the car, the geese still circled the vehicle. Mockingly. I locked the car door just in case somehow Canadian geese were brighter than their American counterparts and knew how to open car doors. I even started the engine, but still they did not disburse. I honked the horn and one of the geese raised its wings. Apparently it was still not done with me. The other two were close enough to the back bumper to trigger the motion detectors, so I knew I couldn't back up without hitting them. What seemed like minutes passed, as I, an American citizen, sat imprisoned in my German car, trapped by a gang of Canadian waterfowl. This was now a full-fledged international incident.

Finally, the lady from the party store rushed out with some sort of noise making device that quickly scared them off back towards the pond that's behind the store. She smiled at me as if this must happen frequently.