Nutmeg

Here's John Legend singing about his "nutmeg" on the Colbert Christmas special from last week. John Legend is just so smooth, whereas Stephen Colbert....so Caucasian.

And with lyrics like "the only residue I want you wiping off your face is my nutmeg," seriously how can you go wrong with this holiday ditty?

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

A Colbert Christmas: John Legend

Colbert at Christmas
Colbert Christmas DVD

Green Screen
Bill O'Reilly Interview

I Smelled Chris Meloni

I have a love/hate relationship with People magazine.

I love People magazine because the articles are short and total fluff. Jeff Goldblum's character in the movie The Big Chill described his job as a People contributing editor by saying "I can't write an article longer than the average person can take the average crap." Not that I'm reading it during that....but I have to say I like short little ADD articles sometimes.

I hate people magazine because of the stigma attached to it. It isn't the same stigma as something like National Enquirer, but being seen with one in public certainly doesn't give you that appearance of "look at me, could I be any smarter?" So I'm forced to read my People magazine in private.

This week, not only am I reading my People magazine in private, but I'm smelling it. Nope, not perfume samples. Scratch and sniff celebrities. When did this happen? I have to say Chris Meloni smelled pretty damn good. Although I love him on Law & Order SVU, sometimes it's hard for me to get out of my mind that he was "Freakshow" in the movie Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle.

I also found myself nose deep in my People magazine smelling Taye Diggs and Michael Phelps (Taye = tasty, Michael = smelled like ass). I also half smelled some other dude that I didn't even know, which furthered my self-induced shame at my whole People magazine reading experience. Shame on you People magazine!

Oh yeah, so you know what I wasn't doing while I was scratching and sniffing random celebrities? Writing my NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) novel. As of this weekend, I've officially thrown in the towel on my prospects of getting a 50k novel outta my head and into my laptop in 30 days. Apparently I'm in good company, as only approximately 15% of those who enter the competition actually make it to 50,000 words by November 30th. Yay, quitters! I do, however, have a brilliant idea for a novel in my head, and hope to eventually get it somewhere suitable like the NY Times best seller list. Guess I should do more writing and less celebrity smelling, right? Hmmm...I wonder what Stephen King smells like?

Jelly Bellys!

Natalie Dee makes me laugh. Although, gin jelly bellys sound fun!

Political Sigh of Relief

Have you heard? We elected a new president?

Oh man, I could not be more glad that the presidential election is over. It was almost 2 years of constant in-yer-face ads, debates, etc. and it made me sad. If all that money that was spent on campaigning was spent on helping the things that need helping in this country, well....we'd be a lot better off.

On a serious note, I've been sleeping better knowing that Obama is in charge, or will be shortly. There have been very few politicians in my life that I felt this way about. Hmm...not sure I can name any, to be honest. In the past I voted due to a sense of peer pressure (foolishly busted my voter cherry on Dukakis in 1988), or I didn't vote at all (never voted for Clinton). Or there were the years that I voted for the dudes (Gore, Kerry), just because I didn't want the other jackass (Bush) to win. This year I seriously felt that rush of "Hope" that has been making its way around our country. Hope that we can turn this country around, even though it will take some time and a lot of hard work.

The truth about bread

In the aftermath of Halloween and all things carb (did I mention I bought like 300 pieces of candy and we only had 6 kids show up?), below are some things to think about before you go reaching for that bread. Glad this doesn't apply to left-over Halloween candy. :)

13 Undeniable Truths About Bread Eaters:

1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.

2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.

3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.

4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.

5. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.

6. Bread is often a “gateway” food item, leading the user to “harder” items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.

7. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.

8. Newborn babies can choke on bread.

9. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.

10. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

11. Almost 100% of child abusers are bread eaters, the same applies to abused women.

12. Most alcoholics are bread eaters as are most heavy narcotic users.

13. The very person that you dislike the most is probably a bread eater.

The moral of this story: DON’T EAT BREAD!

Source: Jimmy Moore's Livin' La Vida Low Carb Blog.