RIP George Carlin

The world has lost one of its most entertaining storytellers. George Carlin led a colorful life sharing timeless anecdotes that told it like it was. One of my favorites is "A Place for Your Stuff."

His style was mimicked by numerous comedians who came up after him, but nobody was quite like George. Remember these Carlin'isms?:

* The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other going in opposite directions.
* If man evolved from monkeys and apes. . . why do we still have monkeys and apes?
* Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
* When someone is impatient and says, "I haven't got all day," I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
* Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.
* Frisbeeism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

George, you will be missed.

Ahhh college...

Taste the rainbow....heave up a rainbow?

Having never gone to the kind of college where you stay in a dorm and drink your body weight in cheap alcohol every weekend, I apparently missed out on some things. For example, who would have guessed you could make a tasty beverage by melting skittles into vodka and then straining them through a tshirt? Clearly these Wesleyan students are on to something.

Save Yourselves!

As if you don't have enough to worry about with what's in your food, now you have to worry about where it came from, and is it going to kill you.

Of course I'm about a week behind on this breaking news, but if you rely on me for your breaking news.....first of all, don't. Second of all...don't eat tomatoes!

Word on the street is that a bunch of tomatoes got tainted with Salmonella, which I always thought came from raw poultry. Either growers have been rubbing their tomatoes (which appear to be a vegetable, but are technically a fruit, which makes them weird) on raw chicken, or there are other freakish acts going on that you really don't want to know about. And believe me, I could tell you some freaky tomato stories. Read the next paragraph at your own risk.

Back in the early 90s when I did conference planning for a water industry association down in California, I had the pleasure (??) of touring a wastewater treatment plant. Yep, the place where what you flush down your toilet goes. Surprisingly it smelled of fresh laundry, but I digress. Anyhoo...while touring the outside part of the plant and seeing (albeit from a distance) the huge piles of "biosolids," I noticed plants growing on the piles. When I asked I was told they were tomato plants. My knowledgeable guide informed me that tomato seeds are the only plant seeds to survive the human digestion process. So apparently they come out and are good to go for growing new tomatoes. I'm not saying this is how they get the tomatoes for McDonalds, but you never know, eh?

Tasha Tudor

Tasha Tudor, the extraordinary children's book illustrator passed away this week at the age of 92. I remember her detailed work from the numerous books my grandmother gave me as a child. Ms. Tudor's illustrations were fanciful yet almost fragile, detailed and absolutely beautiful. Sometimes the drawings spoke more to me than the words on the pages. They kept a young reader engaged because there was so much to be discovered in the details of the accompanying illustrations. As I learned about the news of Ms. Tudor's death I searched online for a listing of the books she illustrated and realized I could recall at least a dozen as being favorites from my early childhood.

I also learned more about the woman behind the illustrations. Tasha Tudor was a quirky woman. No doubt about that. A woman whose eccentricities made her endearing, yet inaccessible at the same time. She was a woman who was ahead of her time even though she felt more comfortable relating to a bygone era. A woman much like my own grandmother, who also lived to the ripe age of 92.

Some of Tasha Tudor's drawings can be found on the Cellar Door Books website.

Splish, Splash, Sigh

Yet another ramification of nobody paying me $400,000 for anything (as lamented upon in yesterday's post) is that, alas, I cannot afford the bathtub that should rightfully be mine.

I do have a soaking tub, which I use fairly frequently, but it seems so downright sad when compared to the $47,000 Red Diamond Bathtub. Not only does my bathtub not have swarovski crystal-encrusted champagne holders (weep for me) and a built-in massage system, but my tub doesn't have even one retractable HDTV monitor, let alone two. And even though I have an Iphone, my inadequate and technology-challenged tub can't receive calls to activate itself via a built-in GSM module.

Because I know this tale of unjust deprivation will strike a chord with so many of my readers (admit it, you won't be able to sleep at night), I'm fully prepared to set up a fund for donations towards my worthy cause.

I could totally be a Simpson!

Just to be perfectly clear, by "Simpson" I'm referring to the yellow cartoon kind, not the "if the glove doesn't fit, you must acquit" variety.

Under a newly negotiated agreement, the main cast of the Simpsons (and in this case, by cast I mean voices for animated cartoons) will now receive $400,000 per episode. That was per episode. Each. The $400k per episode salary is $100k less per episode than the actors (voices) had asked for, but incidentally is approximately $50k more per episode than the current top paid sitcom actor (more than just a voice).

I know that after 20 years on tv the Simpsons are legend, and a voice change would be weird, but seriously? $400k per episode for a job you can literally almost phone in? A job you don't have to comb your hair for? A tv job you don't have to be a slave to the gym for? Really? Clearly I missed my calling because nobody is paying me $400,000 for anything.

By the way, the above picture is what I'd look like as a Simpson according to this site . Sorta foxy, if I do say so myself. D'oh!

Cupcakes for Dudes

Now I think I've seen it all. In my effort to remain informed on all things cupcake, I was sent this link to a brand new flavor.... meatloaf cupcakes with mashed potato frosting.

I have to admit they're kinda cute. And while men claim to not "get" the allure of cupcakes, I can see guys easily tossing back half-o'-dozen of these.

Recipe here.

Let's Hear it for Teachers

I guess teachers do deserve their 10 week vacation during the summer. I know most of us (myself included) might not have the patience to last a day in the average classroom.

Image courtesy of Post Secret.