Happy Halloween, the Pumpkin Edition!

I finally got around to carving up some squishy, gooey, icky pumpkins. There is something that feels mildly surgical about the whole process. As I was pulling stuff out of the inside of the pumpkins I was recalling last night's episode of Gray's Anatomy and how they were pulling intestines out of a patient. How I managed to not lose my lunch is beyond me, but I made it!

The carving part was actually much more fun than I remember. When I was a kid, we carved pumpkins with a dull knife and it always seemed like it jerked all over and you were about to accidentally lose a finger. Hmm...maybe the knives were dull so we didn't lose a finger. Thanks mom! But now I realize that if you buy the little pumpkin carving knife thingie for about a buck, it does a much quicker and more accurate job.

The picture to the left is of pumpkins carved today. It occurred to me as I uploaded the picture that the pumpkin to the right bares a striking resemblance to one of my 7th grade teachers. No offense, man. The picture to the right is of a few fake pumpkins that I did a few years ago, and cuz they're fake, keep bringing out each year.

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween!

Finally the day has arrived for little greedy-ass kids to go door-to-door begging people for food. When you're at a light at the highway off ramp and there is a homeless person with a sign asking for food, you avoid eye contact. But when little Tiffany from down the street comes to your door, wearing her Disney princess costume, you gladly heap her with handfuls of candy bars. Funny how that works.

At any rate, I actually bought real pumpkins this year. They have yet to be carved, as I've been avoiding that whole scooping pumpkin guts part. Frankly, the sight and smell of pumpkin innards sort of make me want to vomit, but I shall not let that deter me from the festivities!

I will post pictures of the pumpkins tomorrow, along with anything else I deem to be festive. As a preview, my dog Jasper was included in the pet pictures of one of my favorite gossip blogs (don't judge me!). He is wearing his "Don't scare me, I poop easily" Halloween t-shirt. The funniest part of this shirt is the little noise maker. When Jasper goes to roll over on his back, it activates, and then he chases his tail wondering why his ass is making scary Halloween noises. Quite entertaining, in a probably non-SPCA approved way.

Election Update

Is it just me, or will everyone else be happy when this presidential election is finally over? It feels like they've been campaigning for years!  At this point, I'm surprised anyone still wants the job. Sort of like signing on to be the captain of a sinking ship.

A few of my recent favorites from PunditKitchen.com:

Opie Cunningham gets all political

Just be glad it isn't Marcia Brady. Especially since she just recently admitted she spent time as a crack whore. Hmmm...then again, that could be entertaining.

See more Ron Howard videos at Funny or Die

WaMu has failed

Yep, Washington Mutual Bank has failed....my dogs. Apparently the combination of WaMu's buyout by JP Morgan Chase, and the $20 million golden parachute they gave their CEO after only 17 days on the job, means WaMu no longer has the money to give my dogs treats at the drive-thru teller. It's a sad day for puppies (picture taken during happier times...for the dogs...and WaMu).

The write stuff!

To christen my newly renovated home office (pics to be posted later once I finish the decorating), I've decided to participate in this year's NaNoWriMo - otherwise known as writing a 50,000 word (roughly 175-page) novel during the month of November.

I plan to have regularly scheduled work time each day. And if I should stall, I fully plan to write about the secrets everyone I've ever known has told me, and to elaborate freely and with wild abandon for my own creative purposes. Hehe, just kidding. Mostly.

I'm fully assuming that as of midnight, November 30th, I will have a huge computer file of totally unreadable crap. Therefore, please don't ask me to read what I've written. To be honest, that is what I hate most about the writing process - when people want to read what you've written. Makes sense, eh? I'm hoping sharing with my writing group and getting the sheer volume of text out of me in November will help with this issue. By this time next year, I may have an actual novel fit to be printed! You heard it here first!

Times are tough all over....

You know times are getting tough when your run-of-the-mill 29-year old dude has to turn to "receiving sexual favors from a vacuum" at a public carwash. According to a Michigan newspaper, that is exactly what happened to this err..gentleman outside of Detroit. I mean, Detroit? Detroit has lotsa hookers. And if you go north a bit and across the border into Canada, prostitution is legal. Or chances are if you go into a bar at closing and buy the drunkest girl a drink or two more, you can get yours if she doesn't pass out.

So at what point to you decide that you want a 75 cent quickie in front of a carwash? Do you know where that vacuum hose has been? If I were a guy I wouldn't want my "junk" on the car mat of most cars, and that is what goes inside that vacuum. Was there cigarette butts and leaves and stuff up in there? And I wonder why the police called it "sexual favors?" Was he returning the favor? Not like the vacuum had much choice after the dude dropped in the coins. Ok, that is all I have to say about that.

National Chocolate Cupcake Day

According to the powers that be, today is officially National Chocolate Cupcake Day.

I'm down with that.

Had I known, I would have baked up a batch.

Cupcakes instantly bring a smile to people's faces. Even in this time of national craziness, cupcakes transcend party lines and socioeconomic classes.

In all seriousness, on my master list of Things To Do One Day, is to open a cupcake shop where I will effortlessly create buttercream canopied concoctions, and witness the joy on the faces of people of all ages. In the meantime, I'll just continue the cupcake catering on the down-low (don't tell the IRS). Maybe if it were more than a hobby, the joy of cupcakes would be diminished?

Musings, Part deux

Seriously, these dudes make me sad. There are not even words to describe how jacked up the economy is right now, and how most of it was completely due to greedy 'tards running the show (feel free to use that on a bumper sticker).

Musing of the day

"If you're looking for sympathy,
you'll find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary."
--David Sedaris

In other news, it's turning fall here. Leaves dropping, temp dropping, and all that.