Happy Bday lil girl

So today is my other lil dog's birthday. A big whopping 2 years old. I remember when she was this little timid thing (left). So cute and innocent. And now? Though this picture certainly doesn't show it, she is this tough, snorting, bruiser, who regularly (yet lovingly) beats the crap out of our other dog.

She is also fond of chasing the neighborhood construction workers down the street. She's always quite miffed when they laugh at her, instead of cowering in fear. This dog has personality and attitude to spare!

Happy Birthday Izzie. May your day be filled with what you love best....tummy rubs, string cheese, and kickin' ass.

Everything South Park!

Yesterday Comedy Central and the creators of South Park announced the launch of South Park Studios. The mega-site has full episodes of every South Park show ever created...that can be viewed for the low, low price of free!

Go check it out! Check it out now, Mmm'kay?

Political Incorrectness

From the same peoplez that brought you the adorable, yet grammatically incorrect, Icanhascheezburger and Ihasahotdog sites is the new Pundit Kitchen!

Check out the posted pics, or make one of your own. Nothing is more American than making snarky comments about politicians, right? Especially when they give us so much material to work with.

Easter Peep Show!

Ha ha! I never thought of going burlesque with the Peeps. However, I highly recommend buying a package of these nasty heaps of marshmallow grossness and try melting them in the microwave. Just to watch them bloat with the heat then dry in contorted freakish lumps is fairly entertaining. Don't judge me.

Photo courtesy of Cute Overload.

Happy Bday lil dude

Happy Birthday Jasper! For 3 years you've made me laugh. Usually at you, not with you, but much needed laughter on a daily basis. You never cease to amaze me with your unrelenting energy and quest for affection.

I think people can learn a lot from dogs. Maybe not the sniffing others' butts as a way of saying hello thing, but learning to savor the simple things in life like chasing a ball, enjoying a nap, going to the beach, having some cheese, or snuggling up close.

Happy St. Patty's Day!

The best rendition of this song I've ever heard...

"Feelings"

Published (without permission) is a poem I recently came across. It was written by my little brother (now 34) when he was barely 9 years old. It is entitled "Feelings," and unfortunately is about yours truly. I still love ya, little bro. :)

Please to enjoy...

"Feelings"

Today I feel angry,
and maybe even dumb.
But I certainly feel astonished,
because my sister is a big fat scum.

Though I've been sad and glad and bad,
and my sister really makes me mad.
But when I come home and she's very shocked,
I get socked.

And she likes to be very bad,
she might just like me a bit or a tad.
I really don't like my sister so much,
but she needs a brain surgery or something or such.

Procrastination

This week is officially National Procrastination Week. Once again, I'm so ahead of the curve, because I didn't really do jack crap last week. Good to know there are US holidays (albeit unofficial) that celebrate slack. And we wonder why multi-billion dollar contracts (Boeing) get awarded to foreign companies.

Stephen understands

I'm glad to see that Stephen Colbert treated last week's 3-hour Starbuck's closure with the level of indignation it deserved.

In the words of Chris Rock, I don't condone it, but I understand.

Update: Arrgghh...YouTube took down my link. Here is the same link on the Comedy Central site. Enjoy!

Mr. Preston and the City!

Yep, the full length Sex and the City trailer has been released! Yay! And the best part? Mr. Big (the original McDreamy) has a last name. And you know what it is? My last name. Ha! I suppose I could officially refer to myself as Ms. Big now. But people might think it refers to my thighs and that would make me sad. :( Anyway, I digress.

The clips that have previously been released of the SATC movie so far have made it look like a tacky crapfest that I would have to watch because I'm a diehard fan, but certainly not enjoy. But I have to say this trailer looks pretty freakin fanstastic. I sooooo can't wait until May 30th!

Fishes & Frog

My excitement for this afternoon consisted of changing out the gravel and adding a "bubbler" to the small three gallon aquarium that sits on our kitchen counter.  It was truly entertaining. Truly.

To be honest, this aquarium has been sort of a pain in my butt since we (we meaning I, much to my husbands dismay) got it in October. A smaller tank requires much more work than a larger tank because the water can go bad so quickly. Plus we bought a first round of fish from a chain pet store that quickly died. My stepson dubbed the first round of fish, Jerry, Elaine and George. Then we got a small frog, Kramer. Within days George apparently got pregnant and subsequently died. And I think Elaine may have eaten part of Jerry, not sure. The only remaining part of the original "cast" is Kramer, the frog. Kramer likes to sneak up on his tankmates and ram them with his head. He has killed off several fish this way. The team in there now seems to get along, but we shall see.

Speaking of the frog, he is apparently a big fan of the "bubbler." He has spent the majority of the afternoon backing his butt onto the bubbles, swimming away, then repeating. Seems like good times.

Nothin' Says Lovin' Like....

An IPhone!  It would appear I've officially drunk the kool-aid on everything made by Apple Computers.

To celebrate our one year wedding anniversary this Sunday the 17th, my husband and I got his-n-hers matching 16GB IPhones. While, clearly gadgets are totally romantic, I have to say I was a bit skeptical at first. For one, there will probably be a new version out next week, right? For two, wouldn't it be more phone than I needed?  No way! This phone literally does everything. I bet it could balance your checkbook, while simultaneously giving you a pedicure and solving global socioeconomic maladies! Yep, it's that good. It is like the Mother Theresa of phones. But shiny and not dead. Seriously, the only way this phone could get better is if it had a GPS cupcake finder. It's a girl thing.

Air travel and a BJ

Lately I do so little flying that I decided to upgrade to first class yesterday on my flight back to Seattle. Believe it or not, even though I used to travel for work quite often - it was always within California, so yesterday represented my first ever first class trip. So now I sorta understand what all the fuss is about. Basically, flying first class means they treat you the way you should be treated on an airplane anyways. The extra leg room was nice, the free alcohol didn't hurt, but what impressed me most was that the flight staff treated you like...oh, I dunno....a human.

Oh, and about the BJ. As I was killing time walking around SFO, I saw the actor, BJ Novak. He plays Ryan on the Office, and also writes/produces for the show. He's actually much cuter in person, although I was tired. I wasn't quite sure it was him, but a few moments later, three of us quickly decided it was, indeed, BJ. Although you sort of have to watch your use of that term in the San Francisco airport, because multiple heads whipped around with curiosity at the mention of BJ.

You could do worse...

Watch this Sarah Silverman clip to see what I mean. She cracks me up.

Diarrhea caveman

Well, Pepto Bismol has done it again. Their commercials never cease to amaze/sicken me. I'm always left with a big sense of "WTF was that?" Effective ad campaign? Demented and sad? Your guess is as good as mine.

If you haven't seen their commercials, check out YouTube. As of this morning, there are 178 entries under "Pepto Bismol Commercials." The commercials I remember most include an amazon woman (think attack of the 50 foot woman - with diarrhea), singing and grabbing her buttocks while crashing through buildings. Then there was a rap about nausea, heartburn, indigestion with coordinated dance moves resembling the YMCA dance. Yesterday morning, while trying to wake up over a cup of coffee, Pepto had a commercial with a bearded scruffy man (I shall dub him diarrhea caveman) singing unintelligibly about his butt disorder. I have added him to my short list of disturbing commercial images, right up there with the singing Quiznos rodents.

Presidential Proliferation

Is it just me, or is anyone else sick of the constant (and I do mean constant!) deluge of presidential race coverage on television? Personally, in the age of reality tv, instead of endless debates, I think they should switch to a format that is somewhere between the show Survivor and The Biggest Loser. Have a challenge each week, then vote somebody off the proverbial island. Last man (or woman) standing wins, and in the meantime you see what they're really made of, not the publicity-spun personalities you see now. I'm just saying.

If, like me, you're still not sure who you'll likely vote for come November, a friend of mine had this great link on her blog to an online quiz that lets you enter your feelings on various subjects, then tells you which candidate most resembles your personal stance. To no surprise, it showed the top two dudes I had in mind anyway. Yep, I said dudes. Not a fan of Hillary, even though I'm a chick and supposedly all chicks are supposed to be united on her behalf.

If the presidential quiz gives you a headache, the same site has a quiz to see if you're a hypochondriac. :)

Oh so creepy and disturbing

The gals over at Jezebel.com have a post about one of the creepiest and most disturbing diseases I've ever heard of. So I thought I'd share with y'all!

You're welcome! :)

Mysterious Magenta Fibers Crawling Out of Your Skin? You're Not Alone!

Oh so slippery Stefanie

This weekend, the family and I headed out to the hilltop golf course near our home for a lovely Sunday brunch. The Calcutta Grill puts on a lovely spread for brunch. Yes, I know that a place named after an impoverished city doesn't sound like it would be too tasty, but then again I hear Ethiopian food is quite good and isn't most of that country starvin' marvin? Anyway, I digress.

As I casually strolled back to sneak a few more gargantuan prawns from the seafood tray, all of a sudden I'm on the floor. Someone at the table next to me gasped. Thanks lady, that helped my overall sense of mortification. I quickly got up, pretending everything was cool, as if I'd meant to do that. When I got back to the table I noticed the floor where I fell was wet. No, it wasn't from me. My husband tells me the floor was wet before I fell. Ahhh, now I feel a bit better. My knee is hurting, but at least I know that falling wasn't 100% due to my clumsiness. Errr...not that I'm necessarily clumsy or anything.

I wanted to pull up my pant leg to see if my knee is bleeding, but then I remember that the reason I wore pants (and my ultra-fabulous black patent-leather boots) was that I hadn't shaved my legs in about a week. Hmmm, pant leg stays down. Then I notice my ring finger is starting to swell. I take off my wedding rings because I don't wanna be one of those people that has to have their rings cut off in an ER or something. Although I suppose that would be a good reason to get new rings and/or more rings, but again I digress.

After brunch we head home, I change into sweats, and watch the Patriots game on tv with my husband. It occurs to me that I must be getting old, 'cause when I fall, not only am I mortified, but I skin my knee and bust my finger. When the football dudes fall down (plus have hundreds of pounds of other dudes piled on top of them), they bounce back up and then smack each other on the head. Maybe that is why they get paid the big bucks.

How to look good naked?

I say dim/no lighting and standing far away from a near sighted partner, but that's just me.

But seriously, there is an actual show called "How to Look Good Naked" on the Lifetime channel. It is hosted by Carson Kressley, previously with the show Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, who heaps praise on the women as if....well, as if he were actually attracted to women.

So far I've only seen two shows, and they seem to sort of follow the same format. The woman meets with Carson, she drops trou (just bra and panties at this point), and in a 3-way mirror they go over every part of her usually lumpy body. He tells her how absolutely fabulous she is, and usually there is some crying. Then they have a line up of other chicks in their bras and panties, ranging in sizes and lined up according to size. The main girl places herself in the line up according to what size she believes herself to be. She is always way off and assumes herself to be bigger than she is. Then Carson takes her to sit down and mortifies the livin crap out of the woman by showing her that he previously projected her bra and panty clad picture on the side of a building (seriously, a building!) and asked passersby on the street to critique her figure. I keep waiting for someone to lean over and strangle Carson, but that episode has yet to air. Anyway, usually the people on the street have flattering things to say, much to the woman's surprise.

Later in the show comes underwear shopping, clothes shopping and usually some kind of makeover, all leading up to Carson asking the chick to take nude photos as a testament to her new self-love. Tasteful, but nude. I'm not sure why the last step is necessary, except for the naked thing is in the show's title and all. But if you just got done going shopping for new undergarments and clothes to disguise your figure and hide your nakedness, why is nakedness necessary?

At any rate, the show is sort of fascinating. I'm intrigued by their choice of host, but figure women would rather get naked in front of Carson Kressley, than if the show were hosted by Danny Bonaduce or something.

Absosmurfinlutely!

Apparently Smurfs are turning 50! Whaat? I thought this cartoon came out when I was a kid. I guess it did, but the concept of Smurfs has been around 50 years! That's just crazy.

And now an animated feature film is in the works. Want to know what's new with movie Smurfs? Chicks! They found that after all these years, Smurfville, or whatever that town is named, needed more girls. Hmm. But since Smurfette was the only female to be found, does this mean some little blue dude(s) finally knocked her up? Was there a Smurf equivalent to immaculate conception? We shall have to wait and see.

Oh yeah, Season 1 of the Smurfs is apparently now out on DVD. If I ever get pneumonia and am hopped up on codeine cough syrup or something, I could totally sit through all 345 minutes of that boxed set. I'm just saying. Don't judge me.

For the best list of rejected Smurf names ever, check out this site.

Love

Otherwise known as: Why I love my husband even though he apparently intentionally neglected to bring me home any schwag from the CES conference in Vegas while I laboriously held down the homestead (homestead sounds sorta Laura Ingalls, doesn't it?).

Although I've been married less than a year, every now and again I'm reminded of more reasons why I love the man I married. True enough, some days I want to smack his head, but if I didn't, that would mean I didn't care, right?

If you have an aversion to gushy stuff, read no further.

Five of the reasons I love my husband today:

1) He makes me laugh every day. Sometimes it is with him, sometimes it might be at him, but he makes me laugh. This is important. You should laugh at least once every day. If you can't, you are taking yourself way too seriously. Oh yeah, and his jokes can be as inappropriate as mine. That is a skill.

2) He puts up with my quirks. I know this may come as a shock to some, but I can be imperfect at times. My husband knows this and loves me anyway. Either that or he is very convincingly tolerant.

3) He makes me breakfast. I know this seems minor, but I was never much of a breakfast person because the thought of cooking first thing in the morning was not appealing. However, my husband, almost every single morning, gets up, lets the dogs out, starts the coffee, then comes and wakes me up before he starts making eggs, etc. While I almost always do the cooking for the remaining meals, it is a definite luxury to not have to do anything in the morning until after I've had my coffee.

4) Gadget-o-philia by association. Anyone that knows my husband knows that he is obsessed with gadgets. Any new gadget that involves music, Apple computers, Ipods, etc., he is all over. Why is this a benefit, you ask? Inheritance. You see, I inherit all his hand-me-down gadgets. The secret is to let him feel as if I'm doing him a favor by taking them off his hands so he can buy the newer, bigger, shinier, more memory version. This also should serve to soften the guilt I'm hoping he feels when he spends a few hundred dollars on the newest gadget. I'm figuring his ITouch Ipod should be mine in the next week.

5) He buys me diamonds. Ha ha. Bet ya thought I was going to say that, didn't you? There are many reasons I love my husband, but diamonds are not a reason. Not that there is anything wrong with buying me diamonds, but I love him most for his warmth, his candor, his integrity, his humor, and the list goes on.

Next time you are on the verge of an argument with your spouse or loved one, stop a second and think of all the reasons you love them. If that doesn't work, smack his head. That means you care.

Old

Nothing reminds you that you're slowly descending downhill into middle age like a perky 19-year old Sephora salesgirl referring you to an under eye product labeled "industrial strength concealer." From the sound of things, if this didn't work, my only remaining, albeit cheaper, option would be a brown paper bag over my head.

Now I love, love, love the Sephora store, don't get me wrong. But would it kill the salesgirls to kiss up to me just a tad? The Clinique counter girls already lost my business by incorrectly aging me in my 40s. Why they would venture to mention I might be in my 40s, when clearly I am in my beauteous 30s, is beyond me.

It doesn't seem that long ago that I was in my 20s. My beauty routine consisted of taking off my make-up or using moisturizer only when I felt like it. Washing my face in the shower. Never using sunscreen. You get the general drift. Nevertheless, I used to get comments at least once a week on my skin. Strangers on the street would tell me what beautiful skin I had and what a gorgeous shade of porcelain (much nicer term than pasty, by the way). I'd get asked what products I used and told how lucky I was.

Apparently those days are over. Now I get referred to "industrial strength concealer" to cover the big brown bags under my eyes. I have to admit to buying the product and trying it. While it does help, nobody will confuse me for being in my 20s. I suppose I can live with that.

Me, only milder

So, I got a new gig. There is a new online network, where bloggers get to write about whatever they want (within reason) that has to do with the zip code where they live. Each zip has its own site, which also includes reviews and listings for local businesses and attractions.

My site is: www.98027.net/

I'll be writing about all the exciting stuff that floats my boat in the greater Issaquah, Washington area. Oh yeah, I'm gonna have to watch my mouth and refrain from picking on people. But have faith in me, folks. I can refrain from my usual snarkiness, yet still make it mind-blowingly entertaining!

I recommend you take a look!

Update 6/21/08: The beta version of the MyZip websites was discontinued on 5/1/08. While clearly my work was fabulous, bloggers are no longer being used for the MyZip sites.

Cupcake candor

It should be noted that since I've been doing the low-carb thing for nearly a week now, that no actual cupcakes were harmed, touched, licked, fondled or otherwise consumed in any way in the writing of the last blog post.

However.....

Did you know that if you Google "cupcakes" and hit the "images" button, that an obscene amount of cupcake pictures are there for your viewing pleasure? After about 10 minutes of looking at the scrumptiously photographed pictures, if you close your eyes you can actually faintly taste the creamy buttercream frosting goodness. Your tongue can feel the texture of the smooth, yet crisp multi-colored sprinkles. Your hands can feel the paper of the wrapper being peeled back oh-so-slowly off the cakey righteousness.

Le sigh.....

Seahawks!

I know this is my second post of the year regarding football. Please don't hold it against me!

Anyway, the Seattle Seahawks managed to win their playoff game this Saturday. The Seattle area officially has the hoping-for-another-Super Bowl fever. It is so serious that Safeway is carrying blue and green Seahawks cupcakes. Cupcakes! This just got interesting, folks! Girls can relate to cupcakes, if not football.

Him: "Do you want to come to a Seahawks playoff game party?"
Her: "Seriously? I could care less. Besides, I think DSW might still be having their shoe sale."
Him: "There will be cupcakes."
Her: "Oooooooo! I love the Seahawks!"

New Year Recap

So, I know you're all dying to know what I actually did for New Year's Eve. I have to admit to chickening out on the streaking the neighborhood thing. Probably better for all involved, I must say. My New Year's Eve was spent in jammies watching Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Man, I hadn't seen that movie in ages. My stepson had never seen it, and my husband hadn't seen it since it was in the theater (sorta aging him there, aren't I?).

We did manage to stay up until midnight for the televised fireworks from the Seattle Space Needle. Uggh. Apparently they had the detonators running on Microsoft Vista or something because the system died...not once, but twice. Then all the fireworks had to be set off by hand because the computer system never did get back up and running. Good promo for Microsoft, eh?

Oh, and I should probably share my latest. Because I tend to be such a trend setter and think outside the box and all, I decided to start a diet on January 1st. I wonder why nobody else ever thought of that? Anyway, I'm back to ultra low-carb, which is going to severely affect my Starbucks habit of having a cookie with my sugar-free vanilla latte, but oh well. I'm always reminded of my friend Holly's story about the desperation of being on low-carb for about a week that caused her to eat a lord-knows-how-old M&M she found on the floor of her car. I'd like to think I'm more sensible than that. Besides, we have dog cookies in the glove compartment should the need arise.

New Year & Football?

Apparently this is the year I watch sports. I've watched more sports in the last week than I have the whole year. Not sure what that is about.

Ok, to catch you up on all my sensible highlights, here is what I saw.

1. On Saturday night there was some game with the undefeated New England Patriots and some other team, that, well, got defeated, so it doesn't matter who they were. This game was to dudes what the Academy Awards show is to chicks, i.e., must see tv. Except there was no red carpet - you don't get to see what the players are wearing beforehand. Then when they are on the field, they are all dressed the same - tight football pants. Not that I'm complaining or anything. All in all, it was a fun game to watch.

2. On Sunday, I watched the Seahawks play some team that I'm forgetting, but I know their quarterback used to be Michael Vick - before he went to jail for fighting and killing doggies, that is. So, apparently, the new quarterback doesn't kill animals or anything, and he seemed to be quite good. They sort of made the Seattle Seahawks look like losers. Oh wait, they were losers. Oh well. Nobody said I had to root for the home team. Although.....they DID go to the Superbowl the first season I moved here, so my presence must bring out some sort of excellence in them, don't you think?

3. Sunday evening I watched some random ass Sunday Night Football. I didn't even know the teams, or care to know the teams, but we watched anyway. Payton Manning was one of the quarterbacks. I remember him because his name sounds like it should be in a Jackie Collins novel or something. Not that I read those. But not that there is anything wrong with that. Anyway, the game was decent and the team that people want to win, won. So there.

4. This one has nothing to do with football, other than it was played on a football field. It was a NHL hockey game played outside (outside!) on a frozen over football field amid frigid temperatures and a constant deluge of snow. Apparently, it was the first NHL hockey game ever played outside. And I'm betting as soon as the NHL muckity muck dudes that were there regain feeling in their frozen nutsacks, they will decide it was also the last NHL hockey game ever played outside. I'm just saying.

(Image courtesy of ImageChef)

Toodles to 2007

Well another year has come and gone. Is it just me, or does this happen much faster than it used to?

In my 20s, New Year's Eve was a night of getting drunkity drunk drunk, and having the excuse to kiss multiple boys at midnight without being tarty. Aside from the year of getting locked in an elevator for most of the evening, those were pretty good times. Man, times have sure changed.

This New Year's Eve will be about eating pizza (gotta get in those greasy carbs before my new diet tomorrow!) and watching movie in my jammies with my husband, stepson, and 2 doggies. Since I don't really drink anymore, there will be no drunkity drunk drunk. And since my husband I'm sure would frown on me kissing a buncha boys at midnight, I gotta find something new to mark the evening. Got any suggestions? I'm thinking it's a toss up between streaking through the new development section of our neighborhood (make those fools regret paying what they did for their homes), or maybe I could go old school (a'la 7th grade) and prank call some boys (that was also good times!).

Whatever you decide to do this New Year's Eve, may you find your own definition of "good times" in a way that is safe and enjoyable!

Happy New Years!!

Christmas Movie Musts

Below is a list, in no particular order, of my favorite Christmas movies/tv specials:

* A Christmas Story (campy yet classic)
* How the Grinch Stole Christmas (the cartoon, not the suckfest of a movie with Jim Carrey)
* Love Actually (awwww, romantic and sweet)
* Bad Santa (get the unrated version - Badder Santa)
* A Charlie Brown Christmas (classic)
* National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (dorky goodness)
* Any of the Rankin Bass-produced stop-gap animation TV Christmas specials (especially the one with the Burger Meister)


Honorable Mentions (good every 5-10 years):
* Elf
* Scrooged
* Home Alone

Happy viewing!

Smarter than...

Smarter than your average Target check-out clerk. I'm just sayin....

So this is Christmas....

...and what have you done?
Another year over,
A new one just begun.

Man that John Lennon was kinda depressing, eh?

Why is it, though, that there is a depressing aspect to the holiday season? Is it that each year you try to outdo yourself? Creating an unrealistic self-imposed expectation for yourself that nobody could possibly live up to, but you feel that you must, or everyone will have a miserable holiday because of you? Hmmm or is that just me?

Is it that everywhere you go, everyone around you seems to be frenzied and cuts you off in the parking lot and flips you off (if you are reading this, you know who you are).

Hmmm....or maybe, just maybe, it is that the holidays only come once per year and there is that brief moment in time when you finally feel everything is "done" and you sit back and enjoy all of your hard work and decorations and feel what the holidays are truly about. I guess I wouldn't trade that for anything.

Happy holidays!

Sex in the Old City!

This is toooooo funny!

Snarkiness

More and more you hear about the world's fascination with gossip and the need to keep tabs on the exploits of various celebutards. Why does this fascinate us? For me, I get a good chuckle out of reading the snarky tabloid blogs that poke fun at the self-induced misfortune of others. Is this wrong? It's not that I care whether Britney Spear's kid sister is knocked up, or Orlando Bloom painted his house black, or the heiress of the month forgot her panties again, but I do believe it to be mildly entertaining. I don't have any real life friends that go on drunken car chases or are in and out of rehab, so it not for Lindsay, how would I know how hilarious some of that could be?

A few of my favorite snarky fixes include:
1. Evil Beet - superbly snarky blog!
2. The Soup - a weekly show that catches me up on all the shows I'd be too embarrassed to watch regularly. Somehow just viewing the clips of these trainwrecks makes it acceptable.
3. Chelsea Handler - Her nightly show Chelsea Lately is a Tivo must. Snarky wit at its timeliest.
4. Jezebel.com - Fun blog with fashion too!

Pups

Is it wrong that sometimes I like to decorate my dogs?

They kinda like it, though.

Although, sometimes I do fear they may hatch an evil plan for retaliation.

My dogs (well, one of them, at least) may be smarter than I give them credit for. I got an email the other day saying it was Izzie's wishlist from Petco. Had about $200 dollars of merchandise featured, including a heated dog bed.

Regifting

In an effort to support global warming trends that seek to reduce the effects of mass consumerism, I'm wholeheartedly in support of regifting....provided you aren't retarded about it. Let me explain.

1. If you receive a gift that you hate so much that you don't want it in your home, then decide you rather inflict it on a loved one than give it to Goodwill, then you are retarded. Why? Gifts reflect on you and your personal style. Tacky, fugly, bullshit gifts don't become any better when you are the giver versus the recipient. Remember how you felt when you got the item? Yep, now someone else feels that way too.

2. If the item is mildly nice and just not your thing, remember who gave it to you. Do not regift it to any members of their immediate family, or you are retarded. Chances are the gift may have actually originally come from one of their family members.

3. As thrifty as it may seem, if the item is a book, dvd, cd, etc., do not read/watch/copy it then pass it on to someone else. This isn't really retarded, it just shows you are cheap.

4. If going to a party where the gift will be opened in front of many others, you have to consider where this regifted item has been. Sort of like back in the day when you had to worry about where your date had been, and all they people they had been with, etc. Yep, a badly regifted item is like a venereal disease that could make the rounds if you don't know where your "package" has been.

5. Brilliant regifting involves taking a wonderful item from your home and passing it along to someone who has commented on how much he or she liked it. My sister is a master at this! Her talent for this comes more from her graciousness and giving nature than her lack of planning. However, if you have a friend that is a bad planner and always a last minute shopper, it may be in your best interest to occasionally point out crap in their house that you'd love to have. This could pay back in spades.

Happy regifting!

Festivification!

I've been busy as of late getting ready for that holiday thing that is coming up on December 25th. Besides shopping, baking for a cookie exchange, waiting in line at stores and post offices, I've been (according to my husband) decorating everything that will stand still with something festive! It's all about the festivification!

Something about this time of year reminds me of being a kid and making green and red construction paper chains until my fingers were blistered from the scissors and all possible means (staples, tape, etc.) of fastening the chains together in the house were used up. You then got to drape them over anything that would stand still. Man, my mom sure was a good sport about those sorts of things.

Apparently one's tolerance of the decorating process only goes so far. Yesterday while out and about I picked up a small magnetized snowman and put it on the back of Jeff's Touareg. From the look on his face, I might as well have spelled out "happy holidays" in dog feces on the car's bumper. The magnet now resides on the fridge, where apparently it isn't as offensive.

The fans have spoken...

Courtesy of the fine folks at ImageChef.com

Ooooo Snoooowwww!

Ooooo it snowed! Grab your parka, get your earmuffs and buy a snowblower because it might get up to 3/4th an inch! Ooooo Brrrrrr.

Living in the midwest for part of my childhood (condolences can be emailed to me directly), I grew accustomed to walking to school over a mile (uphill both ways, I swear!) in 3-4 FEET of snow! And while my subsequent California years left me completely snowless, I still have a hard time getting as frenzied as people around here do about a mild dusting of snow. I mean they abandon their cars on the road, they close schools and towns, etc. It is crazy.

With that said, the snow IS prettier when you are inside and using it as an excuse to stay inside all day and have cocoa.

Welcome nation...

This website was born out of the constant request for a peek into the inner brain activity of a 37 year old woman from the Seattle-area. While I don't understand the constant and unrelenting fascination with my musings on life, I have finally succumbed to listing them in some sort of organized fashion for all the world to see. You are hereby notified that the contents of this blog are my own opinions (and occasionally others' opinions I find humorous) and are not to be construed as legal or spiritual advice of any kind. Read at your own risk. Laugh until something comes out yer nose. Check back often.